I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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