i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize