at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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