I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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