Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
