You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
