I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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