so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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