I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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