Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
