Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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