So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
pray to the hookup gods
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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