You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
