i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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