No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
be right there i have to get my cape
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
