so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
