i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I looked at my own cervix.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Randomize
