They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
