there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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