I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
