Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
