You smell like a Billy Joel song
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize