i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize