Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize