Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
