I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
