i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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