By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
