I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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