The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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