I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
