you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
