the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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