If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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