How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
