We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
