Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
