This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
