So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
