ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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