Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
