My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it because I queefed?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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