your parents love me but you hate me
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
