i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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