If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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