and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
