In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
