You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
