my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
