we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
