So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
