tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
