you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
