do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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