sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
