just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
