Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
