Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
