...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
