You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
