This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
vagina is talking i cant
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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