we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
