i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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