I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
