so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
